Unless you are surrounded by first class assholes, it’s highly likely the biggest asshole in your life is yourself.
Allow me to elaborate before you sprint to the comments section to call me an asshole.
Most people are abusive towards themselves. They hold themselves to ridiculous —often unattainable — standards and place themselves under tremendous pressure to over-achieve in every facet of life while continuously beating themselves up for not being super-human.
And while showing compassion to others comes second nature, all compassion towards themselves is neglected, resulting in the erosion of self-belief, confidence, self-worth, and self-respect.
See what I mean?
If you treated others the same way you treat yourself, those in the firing line wouldn’t just resent you—they would straight up put a hit out on you.
So, what can you do about this?
1. Begin to show yourself some compassion for a start.
Life is tough enough when you’re being kind to yourself. There’s no need to make it harder by being a dick.
Stop treating yourself in ways you wouldn’t dare treat others.
2. Stop with the comparisons
You’re not the Jones’s.
You’re not the Kardashians.
Social media has created a world where most people are caught in the comparison trap.
One can’t ignore the correlation between the explosion of mental health issues and the rise of social media.
It is a reality only denied by those who have a keen interest in you wasting your time on social media. And I do mean wasting your time.
In his book, “How To Make Yourself Miserable” Dan Greenberg suggests that if you have an affinity for misery, simply start comparing yourself to others.
He also highlights many studies to back up this claim.
This disease of comparison has spread faster than the Cholera pandemic through social media and apps like Instagram, which—it seems—was designed with no other purpose than to induce envy and inflict misery on those abducted by them.
How can one combat this?
A. Remind yourself often that which you are consuming is not reality. It is a highlight reel. And often a fake one at that.
Just because someone preaches authenticity doesn’t mean they’re not full of shit.
B. Unfollow those who annoy you. Comparison is another form of judgment. It’s not healthy. You are not obligated to follow anyone, so if you find people—even friends you like in real life—to be annoying on Instagram, simply unfollow them for the good of your health.
C. Claim back the hours wasted daily on these apps by deleting them from your phone so you can focus your energy on that which is meaningful to you.
D. Fill any void by nurturing relationships offline and doing fun shit which makes you laugh and ensures you are living your life to its fullest.
If you would like to dive deeper on this particular topic, check out Cal Newport’s book, “Digital Minimalism.”
At this stage, not only should your days be better, your life should be better because you’ve:
1) Freed up precious time to focus on your own goals
2) Gained a whole lot of mental clarity because you are no longer mindlessly consuming crap on your social media timelines while comparing yourself to others, judging, and generally feeling shit as a result.
3) Decided you’re going to make a concerted effort to stop being such a dick and start showing yourself the compassion you deserve.
Yes, you will come up against resistance, and it will feel challenging starting out. So, let’s get into the nitty-gritty of winning your day today because I have a simple strategy to ensure you do just that.
This is super fun and practical. It involves setting realistic and attainable goals on a daily basis. By doing this, you will also train yourself to stop being such an asshole.
I came across this hack soon after I noticed a friend chirping like a Canary one morning. He had found that extra pep in his step. And while he’s no Grinch, this wouldn’t be what you would classify as “normal behaviour.”
So, I upended the bastard to find out what was going on?
Turns out he had adopted a very simple strategy. He was journaling. But this was no ordinary journal—it was the five-minute journal!
While most journaling enthusiasts recommend a daily thesis, the boys and girls behind the 5-minute journal found themselves a nice little gap in the market by recognizing that a) most people want to be happier, and b) most hate journaling regardless of whether or not it can have a profound impact on their life.
The premise behind the five-minute journal is that you answer five questions daily. Three in the morning and two in the evening.
And when you do, you too will start chirping like a Canary.
The questions are as simple as the concept.
I am grateful for…
And you write down three things. Simple. If you’re stuck for ideas, I recommend you start off by expressing your gratitude for this article.
Many psychological studies have found the practice gratitude has a profound impact on happiness. So, do it.
What would make today great?
I don’t know what’s going to make your day great, but when you write this stuff down, your subconscious and conscious mind will take note and increase the likelihood of it happening.
Keep it simple. Focus on that which you can control.
Remember, the objective is to set yourself up for victory.
- I am….
Starting to sound a little hippy dippy now.
Here you are simply stating what you want in your life. By writing it down, you will greatly enhance the chances of penetrating your subconscious and manifesting it into a reality.
If you want to walk with more purpose and confidence, then write down something like…
“I am one confident motherfucker who walks with my head held high and my chest puffed like Hulk Hogan.”
As a result, you’ll be more aware of how you walk and carry yourself that day. This will also have a positive impact on your physiology.
That’s the morning session taken care of.
Now you get to close your journal and go about your day.
In the evening, simply whip out your journal again to answer two more questions.
3 amazing things that happened today:
If you are trying to adopt a meditation habit and you meditated today—that’s amazing. Write it down.
Perspective is a beautiful thing.
How could I have made today even better?
We all want to grow. Each day has the potential to be better than the last. This is about continuous attainable growth. When you’re sleeping, you can send your subconscious on a strategic mission to unravel how to make your future better. And it starts with an analysis of the present.
And that’s it.
Remember, even though it’s April and technically impossible now, this is not about you defeating 2019 by a whopping 365-0.
It’s about focussing on that which you can control. It’s about cultivating greater joy, perspective, and awareness in your life.
And it’s about you being less of an asshole to yourself.
These are just some simple strategies to help you accomplish that.